Hi.

I was born the day before Halloween in 1979. From a very young age, I knew I was different.

 

Every birthday, my cakes would be decorated with headstones, skeletons, symbols of death and the afterlife. Not because I asked for this, but because those were the available cakes at the time. In every celebration of my growing life, I was constantly reminded of my impending death. Such is the reality of most Scorpios I know. We hold both simultaneously.

 

This complex juxtaposition—life and death—made me a markedly different child than most. First, I was a scaredy-cat, because the “monsters” I saw at my bedroom door were real. Kids don’t know they’re talking to the dead. When they tell someone, adults certainly don’t validate it either. Everything is blamed on imagination. So, I stopped trusting what I saw, and that’s where my problems began.

 

Being forced to practice Catholicism growing up and being punished for asking questions about things that made no sense only continued to normalize silencing what I felt in favor of conforming to what made me quiet, controllable, and obedient.

 

This silence and obedience served:

• My family, which has a history of alcoholism, addiction, mental illness, and narcissism.

• My corporate job, which was very toxic, abusive, belittling, and mirrored a lot of the family dynamics I grew up in.

• My intimate relationships, which include a series of addicts and narcissists.

 

I was overworked, overweight, malnourished, massively in debt, in spiritual despair, divorced, and my career was being intentionally stalled. My LinkedIn profile is impressive. But it doesn’t show you the battle scars. Productivity is a terrible metric for success.

 

My entire life, I exhibited codependence in exchange for love. And in the lockdown of 2020, my worst fears amassed. The world was ending, and I was alone. Everything I had invested in, all those other people’s dreams, hopes, ideas - all the concessions I made in favor of pleasing others over myself - all those needs of my own I stuffed down to ensure I was “easy to love” - didn’t pan out. They left me hollow, and “easy” to abuse, to forget, and to ultimately leave.

 

So, I took a long look in the mirror and decided from that point on, my life would be my own.

I would stop exchanging my reality for others’ love.

I would protect myself. Find and protect my peace. I would heal. Change. Evolve.

 

Everything I offer you today are the paths I’ve taken to find myself, to heal myself.

 

There is a light on the other side of doubt. There is a world outside of fear, and it’s called peace.

Let me help you find it.